Dunbar's Number and the Man I Still Think About (w/ Photos)
(She and I haven't seen each other in about 2 1/2 years, but we still keep in touch.)
I listened to an NPR All Things Considered story applying Dunbar's theory to the number of Facebook friends a person has. According to the story, the number of friends people are active with on Facebook corresponds to Dunbar's theory that we only keep about 150 in our active, manageable social circle at any given time. It's a great piece; if you have time, I highly recommend reading or listening to it.
I love this theory, if only because it seems to make sense. I joked with R. after hearing the story that I wanted to have 150 numbered cards made, which I'd then hand out to friends. And when I made a new friend, I'd simply ask for a card back from the person who is falling out. I still think it's a funny image!
A few weeks ago, I posted 'The Man I Still Think About' or something like that. I deleted it soon after, because I decided I didn't want to dwell on the past. But, I've been thinking about the past. (Being sick gives you a lot of thinking time back.) Dunbar's theory would seem to account for this unforgettable man; I've been keeping him in my 150. My inability to tell this man what I'd really like to say, well, that's entirely MY issue!
But, achknowledging that it's entirely human to retain long-remembered memories of a person makes it easier to let the memories go. Funny how we are like that. It's like acceptance helps you move on. I wonder what Dunbar would say about that?
It also helps explain the complications I sometimes feel of our modern social structures; according to Dunbar, we are hardwired to want to understand social relationships not only between ourselves and our friends, but the relationships our friends have with other people. This is so we are aware of the dangers and opportunities our friends face (as I understand his theory). It makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint that anyone I choose to share myself with, I want to know the social interactions that person has as well, for my own protection. So interesting!
(I haven't talked to this guy in over 10 years, but at one point I knew his whole family, slept at his house and went on a camping trip with him. This picture was taken at a friend's cabin.)
